Express: Adoption and Parenting style
I am no expert in parenting or their role.....and I am in no way judging anyone parenting styles. This blog post is purely from my observation and opinion.
In psychology class, we were taught hat there are four kind of parenting styles.....but to put a styles into a category is too neat From what I have noticed it is messy place anyone can be in their lives. hence every parenting styles is different.
I have seen a lot,lot of shows that encourage a young pregnant woman who is not ready or who does not have any financial stability to give up their children to adoption centre; and the message is as follow it is better for a child to grow up in a family who can give them better life(as in financial state)then to grow up in a place where a parent is not ready at all or who does not have financial stability. But my point is, how one could be so sure to decide that baby will grow up to be a good person if they live with a family with good financial stability?I have seen a lot lot of children with a stable financial parents turned to be a lazy,irresponsible person. Not saying parents with financial stability does not have any proper parenting styles; but saying even with a good financial stability is not enough for a children.Those adoption children in one way or another will come to feel the need to explore their origin. And most of the time, adoption parents seem to neglect that aspect of curiosity. Because they think it is not necessary for their children to know about their biological parents; as their views is they are their parents who brought them up with love and care;so what is the need to know about their biological parents? But I side with the adoption children; I know it is not about who is the parent or who is not ;it is all about finding closure and history. What most peple failed to realised about the importance of closure. Closure let us to accept our past and move forward. Once you have a proper closure, you dont feel the same feeling(sadness, or wishful thinking) when you think about past. It is better to let them know before they get too damaged and filled up with issues and identity crisis. Even though i am not an adoption child I still faced identity crisis. My parents hide my deafness from me all the years. I had to figure it out by myself. But not knowing about it as a child was one of the most struggle I felt in my life. I had to wonder why people seem not able to understand my speech;why I cannot understand a music lyrics like other people while listening to it. Why I could not play "whisper a name ) game. It was soooo frustrating to be different and not knowing the reason behind it. I wish they would have revealed it to me earlier so that I could have atleast saved from the frustration of being confused and low self esteem.
There is another point I have notice with adoption related case if a mother/parent decide to keep a baby after she signed off it to a adoption centre and gave birth to it; she is mostly hated for it. Most of the time comment i hear from viewer around me is "Tokhon to chaito na; akon bolle lab ke? oi adoption prent jonno kharap lagtese". My only views goes like this---I feel bad for both of the parents.But the one who changed their mind is not the villain here; why she would be ? She carried a baby inside her womb for nine months and her emotion grows in every passing months; and people seems to disregard that fact and consider her a selfish person if she decide to keep the baby.
Anyways, not every parents are perfect or heartwarming. I have seen,especially in my family and relatives, the weird way of handling certain children issue. for example,recently one of my relatives motther cut off her daughter hair was off while she was looking in other direction. the reason that my relative gave it she chewed her hair too often and it is distraction for her studies. But i know too well that reason are used to cover up the truth. It is because my relative think keeping long hair mean a way of flirting with boys and she does not want that to happen. *sigh* it is strange how their mind work around their head.
I could say a lot lot of things that I have noticed about parenting styles;but i did rather put it off till I go through that parenting phase. But one thing it is clear to me;it is not wise to keep things from children;especially it is central to their identity. It is unfair to them to rob of any knowledge about their them. They will grow to resent you if you do. Telling them about it will only make your relationship stronger and not the opposite. And children can understand ; they are not that weak.
Hence I am ending my post here.
In psychology class, we were taught hat there are four kind of parenting styles.....but to put a styles into a category is too neat From what I have noticed it is messy place anyone can be in their lives. hence every parenting styles is different.
I have seen a lot,lot of shows that encourage a young pregnant woman who is not ready or who does not have any financial stability to give up their children to adoption centre; and the message is as follow it is better for a child to grow up in a family who can give them better life(as in financial state)then to grow up in a place where a parent is not ready at all or who does not have financial stability. But my point is, how one could be so sure to decide that baby will grow up to be a good person if they live with a family with good financial stability?I have seen a lot lot of children with a stable financial parents turned to be a lazy,irresponsible person. Not saying parents with financial stability does not have any proper parenting styles; but saying even with a good financial stability is not enough for a children.Those adoption children in one way or another will come to feel the need to explore their origin. And most of the time, adoption parents seem to neglect that aspect of curiosity. Because they think it is not necessary for their children to know about their biological parents; as their views is they are their parents who brought them up with love and care;so what is the need to know about their biological parents? But I side with the adoption children; I know it is not about who is the parent or who is not ;it is all about finding closure and history. What most peple failed to realised about the importance of closure. Closure let us to accept our past and move forward. Once you have a proper closure, you dont feel the same feeling(sadness, or wishful thinking) when you think about past. It is better to let them know before they get too damaged and filled up with issues and identity crisis. Even though i am not an adoption child I still faced identity crisis. My parents hide my deafness from me all the years. I had to figure it out by myself. But not knowing about it as a child was one of the most struggle I felt in my life. I had to wonder why people seem not able to understand my speech;why I cannot understand a music lyrics like other people while listening to it. Why I could not play "whisper a name ) game. It was soooo frustrating to be different and not knowing the reason behind it. I wish they would have revealed it to me earlier so that I could have atleast saved from the frustration of being confused and low self esteem.
There is another point I have notice with adoption related case if a mother/parent decide to keep a baby after she signed off it to a adoption centre and gave birth to it; she is mostly hated for it. Most of the time comment i hear from viewer around me is "Tokhon to chaito na; akon bolle lab ke? oi adoption prent jonno kharap lagtese". My only views goes like this---I feel bad for both of the parents.But the one who changed their mind is not the villain here; why she would be ? She carried a baby inside her womb for nine months and her emotion grows in every passing months; and people seems to disregard that fact and consider her a selfish person if she decide to keep the baby.
Anyways, not every parents are perfect or heartwarming. I have seen,especially in my family and relatives, the weird way of handling certain children issue. for example,recently one of my relatives motther cut off her daughter hair was off while she was looking in other direction. the reason that my relative gave it she chewed her hair too often and it is distraction for her studies. But i know too well that reason are used to cover up the truth. It is because my relative think keeping long hair mean a way of flirting with boys and she does not want that to happen. *sigh* it is strange how their mind work around their head.
I could say a lot lot of things that I have noticed about parenting styles;but i did rather put it off till I go through that parenting phase. But one thing it is clear to me;it is not wise to keep things from children;especially it is central to their identity. It is unfair to them to rob of any knowledge about their them. They will grow to resent you if you do. Telling them about it will only make your relationship stronger and not the opposite. And children can understand ; they are not that weak.
Hence I am ending my post here.
Agreed. What they do not understand is speaking about the problems openly with their children could give a better solution rather than just hiding them or forcing them to do stuffs.
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