Semester break! And my state. :(

Lately I have been having hard time dealing with various things; with academic life. identity crisis, future, and people around me.

Regarding academic part, the last semester was my worst one; with bad grades in every course and a pending final exam that I will have to appear in next semester and that too I might have to retake that course anyways. It was not easy decision for me to decide not to appear final exam of one of my course. At the time of my decision, a thought pretty much knocked me so hard; which is the realization that I am not the same person from 6 years back; a person who would do anything for her academic life; and who would make sure that she never failed to be prepared for every exam. I was pretty much devastated. Because I am already having identity crisis, and now this is adding to the pile. It felt like I am totally two different person; one who used to be so focus in studies and another is not so focus. I am not sure how to handle this one ; but a friend told me this: it is better to be smart than to be bold. Bold as in I know I would fail but appearing exam anyways with F grade guarantee; Being smart mean to prepare more and then giving my best shot on pending final exam. And that did calm me down, but still I should have prepared earlier. I did a BIG mistake on that aspect. It is high time for me to re evaluate myself. 

Secondly, about my identity crisis and future let leave that out. I am not sure how to explain or if i want to, it will be really long one. And It is something I don't know what to do with it and still figuring out how to procced with it. I am easily one of the top confused person in the world; I should totally win "confused person" award.

About people, what should I say? The people does not bother me; but sometime I have to wonder about their way of thinking. Be it your blood relation or friends or random people; one thing has to be made clear; a relationship just does not occur; it has to be earned. That is the important thing. In fact, it apply to blood relationship too; just because you share a blood mean you have a relationship/family? Nah, not really. A person might  have a big  blood related family but always think of them as strangers  because of lack of communication, understanding and love from them.A person might not have a blood related members but have a family who understand and love that person unconditionally. It is all about effort. so yeah relationship is earned.

To be clear, no, I did not have any fight with people or family. It is just I came to know the true face of some certain people. Well, they suck.

Anyways, I have been creative too! Look what I have been busy with;

Before and After

How is it? I am kinda clumsy being creative; if you had been there when I was working on it, you would have seen me in a mess; me in a pool of glitter and  wasted paper. And definitely would have heard  loud scolding voice following.

Okay, forgive me for sounding whiny or desperate; trust me I did not enjoy writing this at all. But it does lessen the horrible feeling inside me.

Okay, till next post! :)