Women and Society

Scenario #01

Me: Ammu, I need your signature for my application to british council for my english communitcation section. 

Ammu: Could not this wait till your abbu come? 

Me: Kintu ammu, He wont be at home till a few days. And I could not afford more time on this. I need answer from them as soon as possible, so that I can work out my preparation on my English.

Ammu: It is better for father to sign. I mean, it give better impression and the application will get approved early if it is sign by your father....

Me: But it asked for a parents signature.....

Ammu: But it is better for your father to sign...I mean,he is man....

Scenario #02

Me and Ammu was waiting for bus to hospital. We both wear hijab outside. A man came out of nowhere and stopped for a moment and look at me.

Man: Are you a Muslim?

Me: Yeah?

Man(pointing to my forehead) : Strand of hair. You are a Muslim, you better remove that hair.

I was disgusted. I thought muslim men are supposed to look down whenever they are passing by women? And he must have been looking at my face too long to noticed few hair out of my head. He violate the previous rule,And what is with asking "are you muslim"? I mean, if he should be asking himself that. He is not supposed to look at my face; and not definitely point it out in public. Before I could say something like this back, my mom pulled me back and was nodding to that man. The man walked away.

Ammu: Hey Allah, what just happened? Hurry up before anymore people pass the comment again.

Me: Seriously? You just let this into our head? 

So what is it that I am trying to say? What do you see common in both of scenerio? For those who could no figure out what is it; it is how my life decision and movement has to be made in such a way that it need approval by men. By now, from internet and numerous feminist activities, you know the reasons. Male dominate society; breadwinner stance; and not the very least, society.

But it is not all I want to say here. Most of the article did not point out another possible reason; women mindset which is partly contributed to this notion. From what I have observed that most women in our country face some kind of discrimination but instead of changing the norm/fighting back for themselves, they impose their suffering and discriminating society value in girl;  to a daughter, sister or a woman friend. How future women's lifestyle will improve if women repeat what their orthodox society did to them? I have seen how some women complained about society being unfair to them yet they shushed us when we do something that is against society rule. My family generation is too concerned with society, and what they failed to understand that nowadays nobody actually cared about what you do. They still treat people as if they are 19th century. My mom wanted us to stand in our own foot and  always told me that I could do anything I want; but when I asked her that I want to hang out with my friend and it was first time too ever since I started university, she panic and said this exact word : "What I will say to people when they tell me that your daughter is roaming around free?"  How I am supposed to learn standing on my own feet if I cannot go outside? Does it even make any sense? From the first scenario, you can see that clearly; women in my community prefer men authority even if they know it is unfair to them. And if they really want things to be fair to them, they had to change themselves first, otherwise nothing would be improved.  We need support for trying to change the norm from people that understand us; in this case mother, sister or friend. But if they stay idle or sit back in fear of society, then we will end up doing it by ourselves alone.I know there are some women out there,trying to make a change, but nobody is supporting them. I want to let them know that they are not alone; and not to let those to set you back. Because we need women with strong fighting back spirit.  Continue to do what you think right for us because we need it.

A friend of mine once asked me these question: 

"When some one ask you about your career path and your inspiration  which drove you to choose a path, how do you answer? Some people say it is because they want to fulfill their dream; or some people say it is because their parents want them to; or even there are some people who chooses their career based on their economical benefits  Now how was your decision on going to college influence by? And how my motivation will go on to strive until to bachelor's degree?"

I was stuck for an answer. Because I grew up following about society so much that I forgot myself. and it was hard to search for an answer for myself. after a long thought  I replied to my friend this;

There was  no specific incident that drove me to my decision; and I don't even have big dream to fulfilled; and certainly my parents did not forcing me to choose based on their likes. My reasons to go to college is simply to gain knowledge and  to break off a certain barrier that has been going on my families generation society. Every women I have come across in my families have degree and is house wife. That why they have the stance of supporting me in pursuing an education. But every time I ask their motivation how their continuation of their degree ; all their  answer was  for the sake of being known as educated women and hence add good name on family reputation and their appearance. There is nothing wrong in their decision; but the fact that they got themselves a degree for mere a reputation? I don't like the idea of it. I want people to get educated because they want knowledge not reputation. And I want to gain knowledge so that I can find it useful in real life.I don't want my education go to waste to  just a mere reputation;  That was the influence, that made my decision to go to college; to gain knowledge and break the barrier that the society has created. Not just  for being the best candidate for marriage proposal because I have degree. Nothing wrong being a house wife either; all I am saying I want to be educated by gaining knowledge; not just be educated for a sake of appearance.As long as I have thirst for knowledge I will continue college. And I want to make an example to future women in my family generation that appearance is not important; it is the knowledge that matter.

 I sense that my writing is bit incoherent and not very neat; but I don't know how else to put my mind into set of words properly. I apologies for any confusion, and if there is any point that you did not get it, please fell free to ask question and clarification below.

Okay, that all, folk. And  my next addressing issue will be more about scenario 2. That is, hijab.  Which will be talked about in future blog post.

"Like a compass needle that points north, a man's accusing finger always finds a woman."

                                                                              -------Khaled Hosseini, A Thousand Splendid Sun